So here I am. Blogging. Like it’s 1999. After watching The Social Network, I’ve decided to chronicle my rise from obscure mediocrity to obscure mediocrity with a blog. What can I say? The movie inspired me.

So I downed a bottle of wine (no homo) with a supper of baked chicken fingers (no hillbilly) and a few slugs of Jameson and decided that tonight was the night to launch myself into internet superstardom. I will be the next Tucker Max. I will be the next Allie. I will… probably lose interest this in a few days’ time and it will fall into obscurity with everything else I’ve done.

That said, though, I suppose a little information about myself is in order: I’m a horrible person. Plain and simple. I see pain, suffering, genocide, natural disaster, and Martha Stewart in the news, then turn to my coworkers and start making jokes about said topics. It’s a sign of my obscenely-sick personality that they’re rarely offended and sometimes even amused by my sense of humor. They stopped being shocked a long time ago. I’ve infected them. I take pride in that.

I have a sickness. I think many comic minds share my ailment. We see horrible, sick, and unspeakable things and we say, “How can I make that funny?” For example: A picture of a woman in Japan shortly after the horrible earthquake and tsunami with her hands cupped over her mouth, calling for loved ones. A stirring image. She’s lost everything, including her family, and here I sit, on the other side of the world, warm, safe, and bored. Naturally, I felt the need to do something! So I downloaded the picture and added the caption, “MARCO!” For the record, the actual caption was my coworker’s idea. Mine was, “FRANK!! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT THERE IS TO CLEAN UP?!” But the other caption was so much simpler and a lot funnier. See what I mean about corrupting those around me? So proud.

I also have an incredibly perverted mind. How does that make me any different from any other man in the history of man? Well, it doesn’t, actually. I just felt it needed to be said.

I’m obsessed with aviation. I mean, seriously obsessed. I drive and/or fly 1,000 miles each way every summer to visit Oshkosh, Wisconsin and the Experimental Aircraft Association AirVenture with its 10,000+ planes just to camp out for 10 days and direct airplanes. Oh, and scream at pilots. I’m also an avid photographer (note: I said “avid” which should not be confused with “good”). I’ve got an aging professional digital camera (Pentax K10D, for those who care) which I’ve taken around 30,000 pictures with. Of those, about 7 are keepers.

I suppose I’ll stop with the writing now. The Jameson chaser to the redneck dinner I enjoyed is catching up to me and I’m starting to get a little sleepy. So until next time: laugh at the suffering of others. It’ll make your life seem that much better!

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